


The inherent eroticism of stealing

by TheGirlNoOneKnows5



Category: SKAM (France)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Content Theft, Crack Fic, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Except it's a cracky speedryn version, M/M, Memes, Strong Language, it is pure crack with a side of fluff, ooc because there's no way this would happen in a million years
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-06
Updated: 2020-12-06
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:02:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27919435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheGirlNoOneKnows5/pseuds/TheGirlNoOneKnows5
Summary: When Lucas discovers someone reposting his treasured art, he makes it his mission to stop them - one sassy comment at a time... Until the guy turns out to be cuter and sweeter than Lucas thought.*A content theft crack fic inspired by a true incident but without the romance*
Relationships: Eliott Demaury/Lucas Lallemant
Comments: 20
Kudos: 67





	The inherent eroticism of stealing

**Author's Note:**

  * For [somethinglikeasunflower](https://archiveofourown.org/users/somethinglikeasunflower/gifts).



> For my discord pals - and an extra special shout out to Ellie who's ordeal inspired this silly little fic ;)
> 
> *This entire thing is a joke so please take none of it seriously*
> 
> Featuring art by [Eliott Demaury](https://instagram.com/srodulv?igshid=1x389y0tux0bz) , [David Schreibner](https://instagram.com/da_vid.gif?igshid=1qshqyvw04bfy) , [Joanna Bianchi](https://instagram.com/joananoexiste?igshid=nek4rwu39yij) , [Sander Driesen](https://instagram.com/earthlingoddity?igshid=111t0vcdk98xf) and [Switched on Insurance](https://www.switchedoninsurance.com/blog/mobile-phone-theft-are-you-at-risk/)  
> (Sorry Even & Nico, bit hard to get decent images of your art when you're smart and don't have social media)

It was a fine and pleasant day in Paris. The day was warm, the sky was clear, the breeze was gentle. Lucas was enjoying a lazy afternoon at home, drawing and napping in the august sun. With sunscreen on. Lucas could excuse a little tanning but he drew the line at sunburn and uv damage. 

Everything was nice, calm, peaceful. 

Until Lucas got a message. 

Lucas took his time scrolling through this srodulv account to find out exactly what they'd done. It was relentless. Every single one of Lucas' beloved drawings he posted on insta had been reposted with a bizarre caption, seemingly taking credit for the work. Some of the captions gave him a chuckle, he couldn't lie. There was no reason this srodulv person couldn't have written them as comments on Lucas' original postings, rather than straight up thievery. 

Reporting the posts to instagram was no use. Apparently they didn't violate terms and conditions. _Figures,_ Lucas thought. The only power Lucas could rely on now was snarky comments. Fortunately for him, snarkiness was something he excelled at. 

Lucas was at his limit. This clout chaser wouldn't stop reposting Lucas' art and they didn't respond to a single one of his comments despite liking them. The poser was clearly doing this on purpose. What the fuck for? To get a rise out of him? Who would do that? They didn't even know each other, did they? 

The final straw was the last repost. The caption was so obnoxious and clearly meant to piss Lucas off. It worked. He couldn't get by on sassy comments anymore. This troll had to be confronted.

There. That would show him. Lucas waited for a response for longer than he'd like to admit. Heard nothing back. _Ugh_ , he thought. How dare this guy ignore Lucas trying to sass him. 

Lucas' curiosity took over and he scrolled through the rest of srodulv's profile. Before the rapidfire posting of Lucas' stolen art, this srodulv guy posted lots of artsy shots with captions that were genuinely deep or funny. If these were even his pictures. From what was there, Lucas learned the guy lived in Paris, he had a pet snake and he loved taking pictures where his face was hidden or only partly visible. All except for 2 pictures: one of him sitting inside a dumpster and another of him chewing on his hoodie string. They matched the face that was terribly edited onto his picture of Emma, so Lucas supposed it really was him. And he was… cute. Really, really cute. Kind of hot. 

What the fuck was Lucas thinking? He couldn't think this loser troll art thief was hot! Sure, be gay, do crimes, but only in regards to things that pissed off bigots and cops. _Same thing_ , Lucas figured. He snickered at his own quip, disappointed no one else was around to bask in his genius hilarity. 

A new post was added before Lucas' eyes. He recognised it immediately.

The only sketch srodulv had forgotten to steal. At least this proved srodulv saw Lucas' message. And that he really was doing this on purpose. It still didn't explain what the fuck for.

It was only then that Lucas realised he was smiling. _Stop that_. This guy wasn't funny. He wasn't! Was he? 

No. No, he was nothing more than a weird internet troll who should focus on a different hobby than getting a rise out of Lucas. 

A really _hot_ internet troll…. Maybe people who kink shamed had a point.

"Shit". 

He was right and Lucas couldn't let him be right. So he closed the chat and set his phone aside to do something more productive. Like water the plant he was just pretending was still alive at this point. Or actually fold his laundry. As long as he ignored his phone as it continued to buzz. This srodulv guy wanted his attention, so Lucas wasn't going to give it to him. _Take THAT._

*****

Days went by without contact. Srodulv sent a few more messages, but Lucas stayed strong and left them unopened. He thought about purposely leaving him on read. It would be far more brutal. Something told Lucas, however, that if he looked at the chat again, he wouldn't be able to stop himself from responding. 

He hated to admit it, so he wouldn't, but talking to srodulv made him feel more alive than he had in ages. Fired up in kind of a good way. 

_That's fucked up_ , he realised. Didn't matter anyway. Their communication was done. Srodulv was not getting one more moment from Lucas. 

Until he saw him. 

Lucas was on the bus to Arthur's place when a vaguely familiar guy got on. His hair was all over the place and his eyes were _blue_ . It took Lucas a moment to figure out where he'd seen this _gorgeous_ guy before. 

Their eyes met and it clicked. _Fuck_. 

Srodulv, in the flesh, gave him a small smile and sat in the seat across from him. Lucas half expected him to sit beside him. Or at least try to talk to him. Instead, he seemed… almost shy. 

_What the fuck_ . Lucas could feel himself preparing to do something stupid. _Don't do it, Lucas. Don't do it! Don't-_

"It's you, isn't it?" _Fuck_. 

Srodulv blinked at him, looking surprised that Lucas was talking to him. "Uh. Huh?" 

Lucas already started this, so he may as well finish it. "You're srodulv." It wasn't a question. Lucas knew he was right. 

"That's me," srodulv said. 

"Oh." 

That was all they said. Lucas didn't know what he expected from the interaction. Maybe some more cockiness. A little smugness. Not this awkward silence. 

Maybe Lucas hurt the guy's feelings when he ignored him and now he was embarrassed? _Good_ , Lucas thought, though the feeling in his gut didn't match the sentiment. 

It didn't matter because Lucas reached his stop. As he got up to exit the bus, srodulv put a hand on his elbow. It was a weird angle. He looked down at the still seated srodulv with raised brows. 

"I'm Eliott," he said. 

"Eliott." 

Eliott gave him the same small smile from earlier. Lucas hated how cute he thought it was. 

"K," he said before hopping off the bus. He watched it leave, taking Eliott away with it. Fought off the small smile desperately tugging at his lips. 

_Eliott._

*****

Lucas couldn't get him out of his head. He wasn't anything like what he imagined. Instead of the creepy, cocky weirdo Lucas thought he'd be in real life, Eliott was… sweet. They barely talked, Lucas was aware, but who was keeping track? 

This wasn't normal. Lucas didn't get crushes this easily. _I don't have a crush!_ He left Eliott's messages unread. Turned to someone else who could talk some sense into him.

Imane's bluntness was exactly what Lucas needed to snap him back into reality. This guy was not it. No matter how fucking _cute_ he was. 

_Oh_ , he was cute. 

Maybe… just maybe he could take a peak at those unopened messages. It couldn't hurt, right? _Stop it_. This was the very reason Lucas turned to Imane. He could think about whoring, so long as he didn't actually follow it through. He clung to the phrase. 

A mantra he had to repeat to himself throughout the days that followed. _Don't be a whore, Lucas._

*****

Ignoring Eliott went great. Lucas barely gave him a second thought. 

Until he saw him again. 

This time, Eliott was sitting all alone at a bus stop. Lucas stopped when he saw him. Took in his messy hair, his tired blue eyes. He exposed ankles where his jeans ended on his long legs. _Oh_ . _Wait._

They were just ankles. Who was he, a horny creep from the Victorian era? Lucas wasn't _that_ desperate, was he? _Don't be a whore, Lucas._

Eliott looked up at him as if hearing his whoreish thoughts. His smile was more comfortable this time. Almost like he and Lucas were familiar. Why did that excite Lucas? _Stop!_

"Hey," Eliott said. 

Lucas figured he may as well humour him with some chit chat. That's all he was doing. Humouring him. "Hey." He sat a few seats down from Eliott. 

"Have you been drawing lately?" 

Lucas snapped his head to Eliott's direction. "Why, so you can steal those too?" 

"I - that's not what I - I didn't mean. No. I'm sorry." 

They were silent for a moment. Lucas couldn't be sure for how long. 

When the moment was gone, Eliott said, "I meant it when I said I only did it to get your attention." 

Lucas scoffed. "That's so fucking weird though, like why not just talk to me?" 

Eliott shrugged. It was cute. _Stop it!_ "I don't know, I got the idea in my head that this would make it interesting. See if I could get you to talk to me first." 

"How did you even find out about me?" 

Eliott tilted his head while he thought, playing with his fingers. "I saw you at a party months ago." He let out a small laugh. "Spent the whole night trying to work up the balls to talk to you, but by the time I finally did, you were gone. And then your Instagram was recommended to me and I. I don't know, your art really spoke to me." 

Either Lucas was going insane, or that sounded kind of romantic. A missed opportunity to meet turned into internet trolling. Commiting art theft just for him? Wow. The classic romance heroes could never. 

They sat with the confession between them. Then, Lucas said, "If I saw you at that party, I would've talked to you." 

Eliott looked at him for the first time since Lucas snapped at him. Stunned. _As if_ a guy who looked like he was picked right off a runway was shocked someone thought he was cute. _Dumbass._

"You would?" 

"Yeah." 

They looked at each other, biting back smiles. _Maybe I can be a little bit of a whore. As a treat._

"We're talking right now," Lucas pointed out. 

Eliott gave up fighting off his smile, letting it light up his face. "Yeah, we are." 

*****

This was bad. Lucas couldn't stop whoring. 

Eliott and Lucas ended up catching the same bus. They sat together, talked to each other the whole ride. Turned out they had a lot in common. Both were into art, cooking shows, and skating (although neither was particularly good). They joked around and laughed when nosy people on the bus gave them the side eye for their weirder jokes. The dangers of eavesdropping were more dire than one would think. 

It was a nice 16 minutes. Lucas even felt his heart sink a little when Eliott got off at his stop. Thought of another quip he wished he could tell him. _Who even am I?_

Once he was home, Lucas finally opened their unfinished chat again and it turned out Eliott really was a sweetheart. He tried to resist the call of the cursed Instagram app, but he was only one man. 

Of course Lucas had been told his art was good before. He was amazing and everyone could see it. But there was something different about reading this sort of praise from Eliott. He liked his art (and face) enough to steal it. Because that was sweet and romantic, and not a weird, shitty thing to do at all. 

The thought of someone - especially someone who looked like Eliott - liking him enough to go to such lengths just to talk to him made his heart race ever so slightly. Lucas has never considered himself to be a functional person. 

His trusty 'don't be a whore, Lucas' mantra forgotten, Lucas typed up a response. _What's the harm?_ Content thieves were people too.

Lucas did and-

"Oh." 

All the reposts were gone. In their place, was something for Lucas. Something for both of them. 

It seemed Eliott learned his lesson and became a better person. That, or he did what he knew was the right thing all along. He did say he only reposted the sketches in the first place to get Lucas' attention. Theft but make it flirting. 

This simple gesture, this small act of kindness had Lucas feeling some type of way. Left him not knowing how to act. He felt like he might do something he really shouldn't. When in the history of the internet had trolling ever resulted in… in… 

"Uh oh." Lucas needed help. An intervention. A stern talking to before he went full hoe-mode. 

He thought about asking Imane, but he didn't want her to know he was being a stupid homosexual. It was probably time to give her a break from saving the day, anyway. Today was Yann's turn. Perhaps he'd have some insight Lucas never considered. Lucas was probably expecting far too much. 

***** 

Lucas acted up. 

Not for a while, to give him _some_ credit. He and Eliott started off as friends. Any time they caught the same bus, it went without question that they'd ride together. Joke about their surroundings and chat about their days. Find out more they had in common. Marvel at the things they didn't. Lucas wondered if they used to catch the same buses without noticing each other, or if it was a recent coincidence. The universe pushing them together at this particular point in their lives. 

That kind of thinking led to them inviting each other’s places every other day. They'd hang out in the park, in cafes, in pubs, in their apartments. Which led to deeper conversations and making art together. Always sitting close together, cracking inside jokes. Looking at each other for just a little too long. And _that_ led to Lucas' friends asking a lot of questions. 

"What's it like dating an internet troll?"

"Is there something saucy we should know about?" 

"Literally why?" 

Lucas shrugged them all off as being nosy and annoying. That pretty much summed up his friends except for the few occasions when they were actually cool-ish. They were all over thinking it. Eliott was just his friend and it was normal for friends to spend time together. 

Getting butterflies every time one even thought about their friend wasn't so normal. Heart pounding every time their hands or shoulders bumped. Looking at their lips too often. Wondering what they tasted like. Not normal. That was usually an indicator of something… else. 

_So much for 'don't be a_ _whore, Lucas'._

They were sitting comfortably in Eliott's apartment one afternoon, not doing much but enjoying each other's company, when Lucas looked up from his phone. Eliott was staring at him, a softly fond expression on his face. The look flipped Lucas' gut. "What?" 

"I'm glad you're here." 

Lucas felt a smile form involuntarily. "So am I." 

Eliott smiled at him, his features gentle. He sprung up off his crappy old couch, bouncing over to his book shelf. "I've got something for you." 

"For me?" 

Eliott found what he wanted easily, as if he'd planted it there specifically for this specific moment. _Dork_. He spun around, holding a familiar looking sketch book. 

"That's… is that my sketch book?" 

Had Eliott graduated to physically stealing Lucas' art? After everything they'd been through? Was that tragic or,,, kind of hot? 

"Yeah, you forgot it here last time, so I um… I drew something for you."

"Oh." _Oh._ That was something. Lucas took the offered book from Eliott and flicked it open until he found the newest edition. It was Lucas, looking out as if he were watching something from a window. _Wow._ The drawing was stylistically good, but that wasn't what made it special. The obvious care that had been taken with it, the fondness that radiated from it. This was drawn from the heart. 

"What do you think?" 

Lucas looked up at Eliott shyly. Eliott was biting his lip, clearly trying to appear chill. It wasn't working at all. Lucas' gay heart melted. "It's… it's beautiful." 

A sunshiny smile grew on Eliott's sunshiney face. Why did he have to be so cute? "Really?" 

Lucas laughed. "Really. This… is this how you see me?" 

Eliott's smile softened, eyes shy and honest. "Yeah. I think you're lovely, Lucas." 

_Wow._

The way that made Lucas' heart pound was kind of embarrassing. Luckily the only person around was twice as embarrassing as Lucas. Though, the competition was close. 

“That’s, um. That’s pretty gay.” 

Eliott choked out a surprised laugh. What else was Lucas supposed to say when he was so right? “Pan, to be specific.” 

“The non-stick kind?” 

“Stainless steel.” 

That made more sense than it should for a silly joke. Eliott was tough and reliable. Why was he making metaphors about kitchenware and the guy he was falling for? 

_What._

Was Lucas really thinking - did he just - _whoa._ Those feelings were true and he couldn't deny them. _Should've tried harder with the don't be a whore thing_ , he thought as he listened to Eliott laughing at his own lame joke. His entire body melted at the lovely sound. _Oh no._

Lucas acted up big time.

*********

With no more pride to lose, Lucas talked to his friends about it, well aware they were probably going to roast him to hell. He got himself into this, after all. Eliott did, really. And Lucas let him. 

He gathered them together at his place with the promise of beer and pizza. Worked every time. When they were all well into their third beers, he began. Started with a clearing of the throat. "Um." 

"What's up?" Yann asked.

All 3 boys were looking at him with raised brows. Lucas gulped. Basile would probably be understanding, but Yann and Arthur… It seems Lucas had gone full dumbass. _Fuck it_. "So I'm thinking I have a crush on Eliott." 

The boys continued to stare at him. Arthur broke the silence with, "You stupid homosexual." 

"I know, I know." 

"Why is it stupid?" asked Basile. "Eliott's actually a cool guy. And he's pretty, so why can't Lucas be gay with him?" 

Yann huffed out a laugh. "Knew this would happen." 

Lucas shrugged helplessly. "I told you I would act up." 

Yann placed a hand on Lucas' shoulder. "I told you you were thinking with your dick." 

"I don't just like him with my dick, I… like him with my heart and stuff." 

"Oh, so you have a _crush_ crush," Arthur said. "On your internet troll?" 

"He's not a troll anymore," Lucas insisted. "He was only one in the first place to try to talk to me." 

"Peak romance," Basile said. Lucas knew he'd understand. 

"Okay, so are you asking for advice now, because I think you should just go for it," said Yann. 

Lucas blinked at him in surprise. "Really?" 

Yann shrugged. "Might as well. You know you're going to anyway." 

This was true. Lucas had already caught feelings, so he might as well follow it through. Eliott basically admitted his crush on Lucas two months earlier. Implied it again with that drawing. How much more embarrassing could it get between them?

*****

It got more embarrassing. 

Two days after the semi-helpful chat from his friends, Lucas put on a nice shirt and spent far too long trying to fix his hair in the mirror. All to no avail, of course. Lucas' hair had an evil mind of its own. His heart beat a million miles a minute. He thought he might die. Dying before getting the chance to kiss Eliott would be a major bummer. 

Lucas tried to shake himself out of those ridiculous thoughts as he made his way to their spot in the park. _What the fuckity fuck am I doing?_ Lucas shook his head. It was only Eliott and he was a total dork. So what did it say about Lucas that he liked him? "Why am I such a loser?" 

"Who are you talking to?" 

Lucas nearly jumped out of his bones. "Shit!" 

Eliott laughed at him. Why did Lucas like him again? _Fuck, his eyes are so sparkly._ Right, that was why. Those sparkly eyes softened at Lucas. That, too. 

“You look nice,” Eliott said. 

Lucas felt his face warm like the loser he was. “Thanks,” he managed to say with a calm voice. Eliott was wearing a green shirt rather than his usual blacks and greys. It brought out his everything. “You look nice too.” Lucas’ inner hoe told him Eliott would look nice in anything. 

Eliott smiled that damn sunshine smile of his that made Lucas’ heart flutter. “Come sit.”

They sat in the grass like they always did when they met here. Chatted and joked like always. Lost track of time like always. Lucas was enjoying himself so much, he forgot what he invited Eliott out for. Remembered the second he made that observation. _Well, shit._

Lucas figured he’d better say it before he wussed out. _It’s just Eliott_ , he tried to reassure himself, but it wasn’t much help. Eliott usually made him feel at ease, but now he was nervous. His sweet, corny, thieving Eliott. _Come on, you fucker, just say it!_

“Are you okay?” Eliott asked, voice kind. “I can almost hear you thinking,” he said because the guy could be a breathing cliche sometimes. Lucas was glad Eliott couldn’t really hear his thoughts. Couldn’t let him know he could also be a living cliche from time to time. “Lucas?” 

“Um. Yeah.” 

“Yeah, you’re okay? Or?”

Lucas sighed. “Fuck, alright, I wanted to… tell you something.” That didn’t come out nearly as smoothly as he practised. He had already begun and thus had no other option but to go on. Unless he decided to jump up and run the fuck away. Lucas considered it for 0.02 seconds, knowing he had more shame than that. Maybe. 

Across from him in the grass, looking like a fucking sunflower, Eliott nodded at him to continue. “Yeah?”

Lucas cleared his suddenly dry throat. “Mm.” _Fuck, now what?_ Lucas tried his best to focus on the crap he practised all morning. He’d rehearsed a nice little speech, like the ones in movies where the guy said the perfect thing and his lover fell into his arms. What came out of Lucas’ mouth, however, was, “I sort of like you. A lot.” To the point. 

Eliott’s mouth fell open slightly. The pink tinge on his cheeks pleased Lucas. “Like me as in…?”

Lucas huffed a laugh at his sweet idiocy. “As in I… I want to be with you.” Lucas’ own blush matched Eliott’s. Two losers sitting in a park. They were a good match. “If that’s what you want.”

Eliott’s slightly stunned expression quickly transformed into a bright smile. Lucas might be a little in love with him. “Of course I want to be with you. Lucas, I’ve liked you for so long. Are you - do you really mean it?”

 _Idiot_ , Lucas thought fondly. He reached over to take Eliott’s hand. “I wouldn’t be here embarrassing myself if I didn’t.” 

Eliott laughed and inched closer to Lucas. “I think if anyone’s passed that embarrassment threshold, it’s me.” He placed a hand on Lucas’ face. Lucas tried his very best to control his inner hoe so as not to shiver at the touch. 

He held onto Eliott’s arm to keep himself steady. “You’re right.” 

They laughed like they always did on days like this. Then looked at each other deeper than they allowed before. Gently leaned in closer until their lips met. Kissed and kissed and kissed and kissed. Wrapped their arms around each other. Kissed some more. 

Lucas’ insides were going wild. Everything tingled and his heart was so pathetically full. Fuck embarrassment, Lucas and Eliott could be proud losers together. Lucas thought he’d be satisfied with one kiss from Eliott, but he didn’t want to ever stop. He was content to kiss him and kiss him until they both ran out of air. That certainly wouldn’t be the worst way to go. 

Some passers-by wolf whistled after a while. Lucas and Eliott laughed into their kiss. Pulled back just enough to look at each other. Lucas loved looking at him. “How are you so beautiful?” he mused aloud because fuck embarrassment. Maybe Lucas didn’t have as much shame as he should. 

Eliott pressed his forehead to Lucas’ briefly before moving back again, a lovely smile on his lovely face. “I’m stainless steel, remember?”

Lucas tried not to laugh, he really did. His bodily reaction was stronger than his mental reaction, however, and he burst into a stupid laugh. Eliott laughed with him because he was a loser. Lucas’ loser. 

*********

As the years went on, Lucas and Eliott grew more and more in love. And embarrassing. 

Lucas showed his love for Eliott without shame. Embraced and kissed him wherever. Left little drawings around for him (without fear of them being stolen). Gushed about him to any poor fool who would listen. 

Eliott was just as bad, as all their friends teased them for. Eliott’s work friends kept a tally for how long he could go without mentioning Lucas. He never made it far. Said it was worth losing if he could talk about his love. Lucas was the only person who found that romantic rather than sickening. 

Eliott never reposted someone else’s art again, but he did always steal the blankets while they slept. Lucas avenged himself by stealing Eliott’s coffee out of his hands each morning. That usually led to them unable to keep their hands off each other for a while. They shared clothing, though they liked to joke they were stealing shirts and socks from each other. Eliott could indulge in a little thievery, as a treat. 

Who knew there was an inherent eroticism of stealing?

**Author's Note:**

> In the real world, romances don't spark out of content theft or trolling so don't do it, mates. Show content creators & artists love by reblogging, retweeting, sharing.  
> Please ignore that the image quality here is inconsistent (and mostly shit), I am not an editing expert rip  
> Anyway, let me know if this gave you a laugh or two and have a fabulous day!
> 
> Come say hi to me on tumblr at [thegirlnooneknows5](http://thegirlnooneknows5.tumblr.com/)  
> My ask is always open and I'm always keen for a chat <3


End file.
